Each morning my 5,6 and 8 year old make their beds, brush their teeth, get dressed without help from mom. This is after a peaceful night of rest. They rarely need me at night anymore. In the morning I can go running while Ryan makes their breakfast. Hallie pours her own milk. Why would I go back to diapers, up at night, carseats that I buckle, naptime schedules? Why would we upset our comfort for another child?
Ryan and I went for a walk about a week ago (while the kids slept soundly and our Hannah stayed at home in case they woke...what luxury). As we walked I expressed my fears, the unsettled place in my heart that questioned upsetting the boat. That's when my gentle, wise husband sweetly reminded me that our lives are not made for comfort. We were called to this adoption because God's ways are not our own and His plans are better than ours. We can never get too comfortable with comfort or we are surely outside of God's plan.
This beautiful conviction jolted my heart. It woke me from my lazy sleep and inspired me to press on and see God moving and working so amazingly around me. I am more than supplied with all I need and could want, but my daughter is lonely and without her mama, her family. My selfish heart is now being pushed out by Christ in me. Christ pursues me and loves me and with him I have the strength for all things. I believe this truth and rejoice that the veil of selfish desire was lifted as I walked and talked with my best friend, Melia's daddy.
I am reminded once again to see God, know God and trust in God all the time. What He has ordained is all good, all the time. I just need to open my eyes to always see it.
So, with an aching joy in my heart I rely on Christ's power to patiently wait for my daughter to come home. I trust in God to be her provider and guard her always and certainly while she is away from her mommy.
1 comment:
This post really moved me today. Thank you so much for being vulnerable enough to share it. I really appreciate it.
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