Well... nothing... STILL!
But we already used the "depressed" theme last week (did you notice that Katie had to blog most of the week), so this week I have to turn it back to funny...
This story has nothing to do with adoption, but it's still worth sharing.
Jake and I were driving home together this afternoon and I decided to stop off at the Martial Arts
Dojo. I was thinking that Jake might really enjoy a Karate class and additionally I thought that maybe they had some cool adult classes. Truth be known, I saw this bumper sticker on the way home that said "2
nd Degree Black Belt" and I thought to myself (Like any man would), "I should be a black belt. That would be cool. Maybe I'll stop by that Martial Arts place right over by our house tonight". And so I did. (It's a guy thing...)
So I'm sitting there talking to the instructor about classes for Jake as well as myself. From the moment we entered this place, it was extremely obvious that they were
very serious about what they did. On the wall were the words:
BUILDING CHARACTER THROUGH SELF-DEFENSE, DISCIPLINE & RESPECT
They seemed to be in between classes, so not much was going on. Several of the instructors came up and introduced themselves. They all had very firm handshakes and psycho intense eye-contact. I quickly realized what was expected of me and reciprocated their mannerisms. (When in Rome...)
Jake on the other hand, wasn't as receptive. When they asked him if he wanted to take a class, he simply
shrugged. The instructor bent down to his level and said, "Can you say
'yes sir?'"
"Oh man", I thought to myself. "He totally blew that one."
We were led into a small office where a different instructor and I sat down to figure out what classes would be best (Jake ran off to a different part of the
Dojo - not really harming anything or anyone). I quickly decided that the Philippine Martial Arts was best for me. The main lure was the weapons training. (
Never mind that she said it's only for Black Belts. I just want to learn how to fight with sticks and swords. I'll worry about the black belt stuff later).
But here's the point of the whole story: Jake comes back into the room and
procedes to climb up on to the chair and does a half-headstand. I call it a "half-headstand" only because I'm not exactly sure what else to call it. His head and his feet were on the seat of the chair, which then left his rear-end sticking up in the air. (Does anyone
else's kids do this?)
At this point, I'm really thinking "Could this kid
possibly do
anything more to demonstrate that he is the antithesis of discipline and respect?"
The instructor firmly said, "Jake, could you please sit down in the chair on your bottom?" (Did I mention that they were
very serious?)
There was a brief moment of silence as we all waited for Jake to comply. Then, it happened. With his buns pointed right at our faces, my son ripped the biggest fart that I've ever heard come out of a 3-year
old's body.
The worst part of the whole thing was that I completely lost it. I just started laughing and I couldn't stop! The instructor quickly changed the direction of the conversation - but I just sat there and giggled. I have no idea what she said for the next 3 minutes.
So it's safe to say that the
Horner's aren't quite cut out for the life-style of a martial arts expert. It seems to require a maturity level that, quite frankly, neither one of us has.
I'll guess we'll just stick with drumming and baseball.
