Another post from Katie
My heart is slowly, day by day becoming more grateful for this long wait. I can hardly believe I am writing this. This week so much has happened inside my heart that is shaping me and making me into what I hope will make me a better mother, wife, daughter, granddaughter, friend, PA...
This week, while at work, I happened to be the only health care provider present when a young man passed out in the hallway in front of our office. I was called to the scene and realized quickly he was unresponsive, had a weak pulse and labored breathing. It wasn't long before I had to start chest compressions. The paramedics arrived shortly but were unable to revive him.
I was left feeling numb, confused and desperate for an answer to all the why questions I have had lately. Why did this young man die? Why was I the one there? Why are we not getting our call to return to Russia? Why, Why, Why?
Last night, like a wave coming over me, I was compelled to submit and humble myself to God like I have never done before. It's not for me to understand. I am not in control. Instead I was compelled to recognize and express thanks for every moment and gift that is right in front of me every single day. The breath that I just effortlessly breathed, a warm shower in the morning, Hallie's sweet voice on the phone today, the kiss my husband gave me as I left for work this morning, Jake's voice saying, "Mommy" when I came home, my dear friends encouraging phone call and the list could go on and on and on.
Today, this moment is what I have been given so I need to constantly remind myself to be grateful for it and live in it.
Without this wait, I would not have experienced this week's events and for all the deep heartache that was a part of that moment, a lesson was learned in my life that I will treasure and pass on to my children for as many days as I am given. I am grateful that this wait is changing me, growing me and drawing me closer and closer to God.
1 comment:
It gives you perspective when thing like that happen, doesn't it?
During our (4 month) wait between trips one and two, I became impatient/worried/stressed at times too. During this time, one of my patients had a full term stillbirth. It was soooo heartbreakingly sad and it just brought me back down to reality and made me appreciate all that I had been blessed with too.
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