Here's something I thought you may find interesting: Zac's new bedtime routine. (Much different than our first few nights with him).
First of all, I should let you know that Zac sleeps in our room right next to our bed. This is so he doesn't ever have to wake up alone.
When bedtime roles around, we brush his teeth, walk him to bed, read him books, pray with him and then give him a little "baby massage". The massage is basically rubbing his back and maybe gently tracing his hands or face. It's very relaxing... for all of us. Everything up to this point generally goes pretty well.
When we get up and leave, he starts to cry. We tell him it's OK and that we're not leaving him. We shut the door and he cries more. The first time this happened (maybe a week ago or so) we immediately ran back in. Certainly, we don't want our boy to think that we've left him for good! Everything we've read talks about how adopted children's biggest fear is being left or abandoned. We've tried to be so sensitive to this.
After a few days of the bedtime drama increasing, we began to notice a funny thing. When we shut the door to the bedroom, Zac would let out a scream that made me wonder if he had accidently cut off his leg. BUT - when I ran back in to tell him everything was OK, he would immediately smile at me. Additionally, there were no tears whatsoever.
Hmmm.... is this kid playin' me?
So here's where things get funny. Tonight, Katie and I tried something different. First of all, it should be noted that he only cries when we shut the door. Therefore, we thought we'd try to leave his door open and see what happens.
We got up, walked out, and left the door open. He didn't cry! .... we waited.... he waited.... still no crying.... pretty soon we saw him peak around the door. When he saw us, he ran back to his bed. A little more waiting.... still no crying.... and then we saw him peak again. We all made eye contact. Followed by him running off again.
Finally after about 1 more minute, we saw him peak from behind the door and this time, he closed the door himself and then began crying. We walked over to the door and opened it back up. (We didn't go in, we merely opened the door) He immediately stopped crying. But we could tell he was confused as to what to do.
Sure enough, about 1 minute later we heard the door shut again followed by more wailing. We walked over and opened it back up.
Would you believe that he shut the door on himself yet again!? This time, we ignored it. He stopped crying within another minute or so.
This seems to work for now. I wonder how long it'll take him to figure out that he can simply walk out of the room now that we're leaving his door open....
3 comments:
I couldn't help but smile a little bit while reading that because I can just picture his little face peeking around to see if you're there!
That said, I hope that he gets settled into a routine!
Kids are so smart. I think this is hilarious. I'm so thankful we have blogs to not only share our stories, but we can also document our experiences to share later in life. I just can't get over him peeking and shutting the door on himself. Our daughter has been known to get out of bed and play dolls, etc. She won't get up to go potty, but she will fix her hair, play dolls, etc. Hmm.
Yes, he is definitely playing you. I remember my first battle with Dmitry over bedtime. I decided that the seperation anxiety and orphan issues could only go so far. The fact was that he wasn't an orphan anymore and that just as God disciplines his true sons and this is proof that we are His legitimate children, I needed to treat Dima with the same rules that I had used with the first two. He was shaken a little at first. We had two rough nights. Not sure who they were tougher for; him or me. Then, he settled right down and got in the groove. He was secured by the structure and noticeably relaxed in our home. He hadn't been allowed to rule the roost in his baby home and the yo-yo affect that his bedtime wailing was initially having on him was only making him more upset. We DID make sure to take time to rock him each bedtime and to come in to get him out of his crib as soon as he woke. I couldn't stand the though of him spending one more minute of his life laying in a crib staring up at the ceiling! It is really funny to see how they try the limits. I had some good laughs from reading your story. I know you will find what works for you and him.
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