We are happy to announce that the 3 of us became "those people" at the Embassy. Zac was completely out of control. Screaming, crying, snot everywhere. It was quite the scene. It's kinda funny since he has been such an angel most of the time. Katie and I were happy to be the ones to give pride to all the other parents whose kids weren't the worst one there. Nevertheless, we got all the papers that we need along with a visa to come home tomorrow! We are so excited to close the "adoption chapter" and begin the "rest of life chapter".
We've also learned a few things about our little guy today. Number 1 is that his main source of tantrums is when something is taken away from him. Whether it's a toy, a book, my camera, or the park that he was playing at - he really REALLY doesn't like to have things taken away from him.
Second, is that we've learned that perhaps "time-in's" aren't the best for him. We tried the "ignore the tantrum" technique this afternoon and it worked much much better. In fact, we've had a great afternoon and evening with Zac. We're back to laughing, kissing, hugging, etc. Whenever the "AH-BOO-DOO" thing comes up, we simply walk out of the room and within one minute he's coming back to find us and play with us again.
Who knows... we're still learning.
Here's some pictures at the park. As you can see, he was quite happy at this point in the day.
8 comments:
Oh wow! He's human! This goes back to "every child responds to discipline in different ways." I can only imagine how difficult it is to try to figure out what pushes his hot buttons. Abd don't worry too much. There are no children I have known that have not had outbursts. Hang in there, pray. and stick close to each other. The two of you will have to rely on each to weather the BPD's We love you so much and are excited to have you home where you can really begin to blend your family. Have a safe trip and see you tomorrow!
It's good to hear that things have improved during the day....rough days are no fun no matter what the situations but I can only imagine that the stress of not being sure what to do is even worse. Like I said, it's good to hear that he is doing better.....can't wait to talk and see you soon!
Love, Jenni
believe it or not the time ins are good. Even if he kicks, screams, punches, bites or the like. Keep holding him tight and speak softly to him and reassure him that you love him and that everything is OK. Trust me on this one. Attachment takes a long time and holding time is a huge benefit. Remember, Zac has never had a family. He doesn't know what it is like to be a little brother or a son. The tantrums are going to get worse before they get better, it is a fact of your situation. Keep holding him. He will learn trust that way.
I'm so excited for you! Have a safe trip tomorrow and we will be praying for you.
Mindy
I'm glad things have gotten better as the day has gone on. =]
I cannot wait to see you all!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We're praying for a great and peaceful flight home.
Angie and Joe and Austin
Hey Guys,
I just want to encourage you here about your last post regarding Zac's temper tantrums.
Our Jadon threw some incredibly awful and rage-filled tantrums while we had him in Russia and for the first few weeks at home. We weren't sure why he was throwing tantrums but it seemed to be a combo of a few things. He definitely did not and still does not like to be told "No" so that brought them on and also if he sensed any anger in our tone he flipped out. I think he was so confused about what was going on and all of the changes and new things he was experiencing. We should have been more patient with him but we were at our wits end with him on many occasions. We tried the walking away thing when he threw himself on the ground in a rage but that only made him angrier. We eventually just ignored them but they still continued so after being home 2 weeks and still having tantrums, we tried something new. If we told him "no" and he threw himself on the ground, we calmly told him to get up and if he didn't we picked him up and gave him a swat on the rear. I know some families do not agree with spanking but we feel if it's done appropriately and without anger it is very effective. Anyway, this remedied the situation within days. He still sometimes gets mad and throws himself on the ground but when we tell him to get up, he does and then we give him hugs and kisses and he's happy again.
Jadon is now a happy little guy and so are we!=)
I hope this brings you some encouragement. Zac will get over the tantrums soon, just keep loving on him.=)
Blessings,
Penny
First of all, again I must say what a beautiful little boy Zac is!! :)
Secondly, just wanted to say in case you haven't heard this that it is VERY common for children who have come from an institutional setting where all toys and property were shared to become very upset when things are taken away from them. He is likely afraid he won't get it back. Maybe giving him something else to hold when you take one thing away could help? Or maybe only letting him hold things you don't mind him holding on to!? :oP
Hang in there. It's tougher at first and then gets better :o) You're doing a great job!!
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