Today, Zac got up on the wrong side of the bed. It's a good thing he's been so cute and good the first 5 days, because today he's been a pistol.
Already this morning (it's about noon right now) he's had 3 major Zac attacks. Up till now, I've been able to hold him tell him I love him and he seems to calm down within 3 to 5 minutes. This is what's known in the adoption discipline world as a "time in".
Today however, Zac began to hit and flop wildly when I picked him up. I held onto his hands to stop the hitting whereupon he bit my face! Holy cow! It really hurt too. (I've got a nice mark to prove it).
Hmmm.... So now what in the world do we do? Holding seems to really make him mad, but I'm thinking alone time sends the wrong message this early on. During his third attack (regarding nap time) we simply left him in the bed and shut the door. He was asleep within 3 minutes. We're hoping that the source of his rage was his being so tired. We're trying to remember that there is a lot to deal with here. he's two, he's out of his routine, we have a communication barrier, we're still more or less strangers to him, the list goes on and on.
It's still very hard as we never had to deal with the hitting/biting thing with our first two kids. After our "disagreement" we unfortunately have not seen anymore hugs or kisses today. It's very discouraging.
As I've mentioned in the past. There are GPD's and BPD's. (Good parenting days and Bad parenting days). We'll see how the second 1/2 goes, but right now we're working toward a BPD.
3 comments:
Hang in there. We adopted our Dd at age 5.5 and I've never been hit, bit, kicked, punched, hair pulled etc. etc. etc. so much as I was during those 3 weeks in Russia. (we had her with us 24/7 during the 10 day waiting period--and HER honeymoon was over in 24 hours once she realized we weren't going to let her do anything and every thing she wanted to do . . . ) It was horrible, it was stressful, and many times during her 2 and 3 hour long tantrums all we could do was PRAY out loud to keep our own sanity and pray for the blood of Jesus' to protect her and us . . . We also learned that singing songs that were about Jesus calmed her down quicker than almost anything else . . . in the meantime, protect yourself as much as you can--and lovingly assert your authority. Things almost certainly will get worse before they get better, but the better days will come again. It took a few weeks after we were home for our Dd to learn that hitting, biting and kicking etc. Mama and Papa was a BIGGGG no-no, but she wouldn't think of it now, and will tell us that she is ashamed that she ever acted like that. She is still a challenging and often strong-willed child, but she's very sweet and loving too! ;-)
We'll say some prayers for you here in a few minutes.
Oh! I should also add that our Social Worker actually said it was a good sign (huh?!) that our Dd got over her honeymoon so quickly. She said it showed how much we'd gotten "next to her skin" and she started feeling like she had to push us away cause she didn't think we were for real. . . . given that she has some real RAD issues even yet (though much improved) there was probably a lot of truth to that. So in a way, you can take courage--Zac is starting to realize maybe that you are in his life in a way no one else has been before, and he doesn't know about it, and it shoving at you to see if you are really going to hang in there!!! With God's help, you can do it. (And feel free to vent privately even or ask questions if you like--I know for us all we had heard were the "everything was pretty good--there were a few challenges but nothing major" stories, and I longed desperately for some other parent to talk with during those days in Russia who could tell me that what we were going through and feeling was normal!!! It was hard to be so alone and missing our other kids and over there for so long with no real support system . . . and dealing with such stressful stuff with our Dd! We also had our bio 3 month old with us too, so that added an element of stress as well, as she screamed and cried so much that he started getting stressed and crying when he normally had a really laid-back personality. However, he survived too and now they dearly love each other! ;-) It's beautiful to behold.
Hey guys...Our Ellie has some mean tantrums as well...here's what I do: I put her on a stool (the same one everytime...this will obviously work better at home when you have the same stool everytime:)
I sit right in front of her making constant eye contact but I do not pick her up until SHE reaches for me...even if she is still crying, when she reaches for me, I pick her up. I don't leave her...I sit with her and I speak to her softly in a reassuring way. I fshe tries to get up, I sit her back down. THe first time...it took about 10 minutes for her to reach for me...she stops crying as soon as I pick her up...I did this consistently for a whole week and each time the tantrum lasted a shorter amount of time...and, the tantrums are further apart...she now goes 3 days or so without a tantrum...Hope you find the trick that works for your little guy!
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